and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
