I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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