I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
