gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
