She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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