a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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