Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
