wakey wakey hands off snakey
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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