Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
