it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
