My room smells like vodka and shame
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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