perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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