A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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