as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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