drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
