I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize