just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
