Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize