What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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