...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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