Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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