And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
