I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
