I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
