Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
