his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
