Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
