we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
