When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize