if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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