whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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