$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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