I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
