He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You made out with two different species that night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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