There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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