apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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