I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
