Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
