I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
