a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
