i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This house was built for laser tag.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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