no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
