Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
