Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
