I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i think i just lost a toe
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
