Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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