you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
