just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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