i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
