your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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