the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
