He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize