i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
