when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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