I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
