thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
