the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
