Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
