Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
