I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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