She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
