I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
