I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
