am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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