Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
