Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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