either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
