oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I touched a dick in church today
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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