hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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