So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
