Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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