Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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