She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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