pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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