is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
