I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
