Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize