bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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