Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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