listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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