ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Your penis caused this!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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