i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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