Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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