I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize