Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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