wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
