its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
