my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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