apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize