why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
