perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
