and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
